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England defeated Colombia in a heart-stopping penalty shootout last night, advancing to the World Cup quarter-finals.
Here's how the match unfolded on social media:
If you can remember that far back, it started well.

Excellent start from England. Dominant, confident and calm.
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 3, 2018

But the nerves started early.

me, 2002-2016: why can't we just keep the ball like the top European sides
me, 2018: NOT THERE, KYLE, FUCKING GET RID
— Adam Hurrey (@FootballCliches) July 3, 2018

Soon we had the first sign of things to come: a Colombia head-butt that engendered only a yellow card.

This ref is trash 🚮 bottled the red for a head butt and draws a line with the vanishing spray before he's got the wall back 10 yards. We're in for a long night here, comrades
— Matt Zarb-Cousin (@mattzarb) July 3, 2018

You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to work out that was a red card #ENGCOL#COLENGpic.twitter.com/5CR0aZdIl6
— Tim Gatt (@TimGatt) July 3, 2018

With England a little rocked, it was time for an intervention from the Archbishop of York.

Captain Harry Kane you are simply the best! Please Team England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 keep your Composure! Simply play the Ball ⚽️ and don't be provoked! Score more goals!Please! Please!You are young so stay CALM! With you!
— John Sentamu (@JohnSentamu) July 3, 2018

Straight swap ITV, Hoddle for Sentamu. You know it makes sense. https://t.co/xOFmNWaz4f
— Callum May (@callummay) July 3, 2018

Half-time. 0-0. And it was getting ugly.

Columbian players and now the coaching staff being absolute petty dickheads to Raheem Sterling. #ENGCOLpic.twitter.com/64QynH55wS
— Mike P Williams 🌹 (@Mike_P_Williams) July 3, 2018

But soon, the breakthrough.

GOAL! Harry Kane gives England the lead from the penalty spot! pic.twitter.com/AAIkGam36b
— ITV Football (@itvfootball) July 3, 2018

Even that was not without some dirty tricks.

I've never seen this PK tactic before. Number 17, Johan Mojica, trying to sabotage the spot ahead of Kane's kick. pic.twitter.com/jX6fiV0jvP
— Nick Wing (@nickpwing) July 3, 2018

At homes across England, it was getting weird.

Because Colombia are playing a bit rough my mum says 'I'm not buying any more of their sausages'.
My dad corrected her.
You don't buy Colombian sausages you buy CUMBERLAND sausages. FFS🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🙅‍♀️ #EnglandvsColombiapic.twitter.com/hQwCBhkuhq
— Hollie B ✌️ (@PBbutterflies) July 3, 2018

In summary.

To recap the #EnglandvsColombia match so far pic.twitter.com/jmxgQ7QR2X
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 3, 2018

The ITV commentary wasn't helping.

Wish Glenn Hoddle would stop saying "love train".
— Kevin Schofield (@PolhomeEditor) July 3, 2018

Can Glenn Hoddle stop saying 'love train'? #ENGCOLpic.twitter.com/5ml7o408Wz
— Paddy Power (@paddypower) July 3, 2018

Unease was creeping in among English fans for no other reason than, it seemed, this was England.

Anyone else got a bad feeling about this? #ENGCOL
— Election Data (@election_data) July 3, 2018

And, in added time, Colombia did what we expected. 1-1.

Shit!
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) July 3, 2018

Some had been a little premature.

Life comes at you fast. pic.twitter.com/O2aai12uP2
— Jamie Ross (@JamieRoss7) July 3, 2018

What, English Twitter asked, was happening?

It's coming home. pic.twitter.com/fmpJfZ3ASq
— Jim Waterson (@jimwaterson) July 3, 2018

pic.twitter.com/IFLiy2Iv6N
— David Whitley (@mrdavidwhitley) July 3, 2018

It's been like this my entire life. At my inquest I want 'cause of death: England supporter' #ENGCOL
— Simon McCoy (@BBCSimonMcCoy) July 3, 2018

The only way this could get more intense is if the Love Island contestants staged a pitch invasion.#WorldCup#ENGCOL#loveisland
— Russell Brand (@rustyrockets) July 3, 2018

And so, inevitably, to penalties.

YEAH, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. pic.twitter.com/H61X1ypy0a
— Jess Brammar (@jessbrammar) July 3, 2018

doing my fucking mindfullness
— joe (@mutablejoe) July 3, 2018

But, with Eric Dier appearing to be the only Englishman in the world with a level head ... they bloody did it.

HOLY HELL
— Al Murray, Dr (@almurray) July 3, 2018

The 'curse' of Pearce, Waddle, Southgate, Batty et al....lifted.#England#penalties
— Mehdi Hasan (@mehdirhasan) July 3, 2018

Opened the window and you can hear the whole of London screaming nonsense it is BEAUTIFUL.
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 3, 2018

And guess what ...

It's just about still coming home. pic.twitter.com/NCwuVW9aCi
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) July 3, 2018

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