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Abandon ship.

A gender-switched version of the 1987 Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell comedy “Overboard” mixes up the passenger list. Now, Anna Faris gets the Russell part as a blue-collar schemer. Mexican star Eugenio Derbez takes on Hawn’s role as a spoiled snob.

But none of it holds water.

The revamped story has Derbez playing Leonardo, a billionaire playboy, and Faris as Kate, a struggling single mom. She shows up at the dock to shampoo his yacht’s carpeting. He insults her, refuses to pay her, and then throws her off his ship. Literally.

But after he and his crew sail away, he falls overboard, too — and washes up in her hometown with a case of amnesia.

Egged on by her pushy friend, played by Eva Longoria, Kate hatches a crazy scheme. She picks up Leonardo at the hospital, convinces the blank-slate guy he’s her poor devoted husband, and takes him home.
Then she gets him a construction job and loads him up with household chores. Suddenly she has an extra paycheck and childcare for her three daughters — and the extra time she needs to study for her nursing exam.
Too bad Leonardo’s crew didn’t see him and throw him a life preserver.

Too bad they didn’t see this remake’s screenwriters and throw them a few, too.

True, the original “Overboard” was no classic. If it’s remembered at all, it’s for Russell’s hunky swagger and Hawn’s very cheeky bathing suit. But at least it had a kind of low, crude honesty.

This version, though, is all bad sitcom corniness, full of obvious slap-shtick, zany music and Speedy Gonzales jokes. It boasts two scheming sisters, some supposedly sexy misunderstandings and a few musical numbers, one featuring a big guy in a dress.

It’s better than a telenovela, one character says.

No, it’s not. Telenovelas are funnier.

Faris has always had a plucky, regular-gal vibe and a lot of natural charm, and she brings them here. Which is good, because the character she’s playing is, basically, a fraud and a kidnapper. And Derbez, who also produced, works very hard. Maybe too hard.

He’s certainly smart. His new film follows the same blueprints as his hit last year, “How To Be a Latin Lover.” It switches easily between English and (subtitled) Spanish. It alternates white-bread suburban gags with sharper, more topical material aimed at a Latino audience.

It’s an obvious move to break through into a larger American market. That’s fine, of course.

The problem isn’t that the jokes are meant to be diverse. It’s that they’re essentially the same — bad. For all its role-switching and multi-culturalism, “Overboard” is as old-fashioned as every other rom-com you ever snoozed through, with hammy characters and silly situations.

Its stars may keep falling into the ocean. But it’s the film that sinks.