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Kanisa George

MUCH OF life is shrouded in confusion and uncertainty. We move from one stage to the next, never really knowing what will happen around the corner. So, we live each day the best way we know how: living and learning as we go along.
Some days we blow past our expectations, and others we hang on for dear life. Through it all, all we have to depend on are our experiences and the realities we imagine for our future.
However, future realities are not usually in line with the ones we have dreamt up for ourselves. Sometimes we may find that the path to the desires we hoped for is laden with obstacles we consider so far beyond us that we do not even attempt to achieve them.
Our experiences often bring us stress and uncertainty that can have a devastating impact on our quality of life. Every stage has unique challenges and hurdles to overcome, and the very start of adulthood might be the most perilous.
There is no easy way to explain the seismic shift in perspective, experiences and responsibilities one faces when one infiltrates the realm of adulthood. There is no instruction manual, and in some cases very little hand holding throughout the process. Without really understanding what we are facing, some of us are left to deal with the very harsh reality of a quarter-life crisis.
A quarter-life crisis is not a unique experience. It is a normal part of the maturing process, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one's life. You are not alone in this journey.
It is a period in a young adult's life defined by stress and anxiety, which typically happens between one's mid-twenties and early thirties. Licensed psychologist Rachel Needle, PsyD, explains that a quarter-life crisis is a feeling of stress and uncertainty often triggered around that time in someone's life when they are trying to figure out who they are and what they want. She relates that people might feel lost, trapped – personally or professionally – and uninspired due to the immense pressure they are under to get things right.
As a millennial, I can speak for my contemporaries when I say that the weight of reality can sometimes be too much to bear, and the questions one has to grapple with can undermine how well we navigate life.
"What am I doing with my life?"
"How would everything work out?"
Feelings of "this is not it, but I have no idea what it is" dominate the experience at this time and can erode any sense of self we have worked so hard to build and maintain. One expert highlighted that when we experience dramatic upheaval, change and disappointment, which is common during the early parts of our adult lives, it can lead to one feeling overwhelmed and unsure of themselves.
Therapist Blaylock-Solar notes that comparison can be a big trigger of quarter-life crises. Seeing friends advance in their careers or get married can easily trigger a sense of, "Why isn't that happening for me? What is wrong with me?" This can also trigger feelings of loneliness; you may lack direction and struggle to make difficult decisions.
Remember, the quarter-life crisis is a phase that many of us go through. While we cannot avoid it, we can certainly navigate through it. By understanding what we are experiencing, managing our emotions and expectations, we can take control of our journey and come out stronger on the other side.
During this challenging period, you might feel tempted to make drastic changes like quitting your job or ending your relationship to "fix" what is happening in your life. However, one writer suggests a different approach. They propose that you pause and reflect on your journey thus far.
This real-time learning about yourself helps develop mindfulness, which in turn allows you to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings and how your environment and experiences impact them. This process can lead to a better understanding of what drives you, patterns of behaviour, and ways you can improve.
Another essential practice that one can use to evade this funk is throwing away self-judgement. When things do not go well in our lives, or by comparison we do not feel we are as far as we should be, we engage in the act of self-judgement. We become over-critical, which can affect how much self-compassion we can bestow on ourselves.
Self-reflection is not just a tool for surviving the quarter-life crisis, but also a pathway to personal growth and self-discovery. As life moves along, who you are and what you want often change. Embrace these changes and focus on the personal growth you have achieved. Celebrate the things you have accomplished thus far, and look forward to the exciting journey ahead.
Enjoy the ride!
Sometimes the real prize is not the destination but the journey. By remaining open-minded to where life might take you and accepting that much of it is beyond your control, you can find peace in the midst of your quarter-life crisis.
Take each lesson as it comes, stay curious about yourself and the world around you, and know that even when the worst is in sight, the sun also rises.
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