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Sign up now! Sign up now! Sign up now? Sign up now!Despite being among the rank and file of the “celebration police”, pundits who frown upon what they view as footballers prone to ostentatious revelry in the wellbeing generated by a difficult job well done don’t actually have powers of arrest. It’s a shame, because the sight of a stoney-faced Jamie Carragher ordering Martin Ødegaard to lay down Stuart the Arsenal photographer’s camera before cuffing the Arsenal captain’s hands behind his back, reading his rights and leading him off to a cell to sleep off his obvious jubilation would have added to the general hilarity of an already amusing Arsenal win over Liverpool.I was surprised to discover at last night’s match against Leeds United that Bristol City no longer produce a matchday programme. My further research revealed that a further 12 clubs had abandoned them too. What next for football in the digital age? Online recipes for those pies and burgers no longer to be sold at stadiums? Online knitting patterns for club hats and scarves no longer available for sale in club stores?” – Mick Beeby.Following up on Derek McGee‘s ‘bell-bottomed trousers’ shape of the league table (Friday’s letters), should we find one of (insert your pick of Birmingham, Chelsea, Everton, Ipswich, Man City, or Southend) at the very bottom, would that constitute ‘bell-bottom Blues’ (a tune made famous by another Derek)? Same applies for Bury Town should they find promotion to and subsequent relegation from the league” – Tony Christopher.For some time I’ve been getting really annoyed with some commentators who aren’t actually carrying out the job description. Martin Tyler take a bow (he used to read out lists of meaningless statistics most of the time) and stand up Andy Hinchcliffe (he always describes exactly what players do wrong and then tells us exactly what they should have done). More recently it’s the repeated banal things they say, the worst of these is adding at the end of a sentence ‘he really is’ or some close derivative of that phrase. I think that originated with Glenn Hoddle, then Jamie Carragher took it on board but now Ally McCoist is taking it to extremes. In the Aston Villa v Newcastle match I counted 17 examples but then in the Liverpool v Chelsea game the next evening he excelled himself with 23 of them. That’s one every four minutes, know what I mean?” – Richard Page.Kev McCready has introduced a Schrödinger’s cat of complexity into goal celebrations (Friday’s letters). If the only time certain players hit the target is when they are throwing darts, then they will never hit the (goal) target and so will never throw darts and will never hit the (darts) target. Are they both throwing and not throwing darts at the same time?” – Richard Hirst. Continue reading...