Who is popular today?

Kanisa George

Healing and spiritual growth are widely regarded as essential components of holistic living. Whether you conform to religious teachings or try to live in the best way possible, there is no doubt that failing to rid yourself of emotional scars can impede self-growth and have far-reaching consequences.
Tapping into those parts of ourselves that trigger self-growth requires far more than introspection and a solid resolution to make invaluable changes. What we sometimes fail to acknowledge is that healing usually requires us to step outside ourselves and confront issues that have others at the centre.
Our inability to release the wrongdoings of others can be a significant stumbling block to our growth. Needless to say, the innate reluctance to let bygones be bygones can be blamed on what many of us feel we are giving up when we practice the act of pardon. After all, forgiveness is a nuanced beast with an insatiable appetite, quelled only by the desire for peace or compounded relentless bitterness.
But how does our ability to forgive or lack thereof affect our growth, and what does either approach say about us as individuals?
“She could hold ah grudge boy.”
“I never meet a man so bitter in mih life.”
Please make no mistake, wrongdoings done to us or by us are more often than not are accompanied by negative emotions. However, studies show that allowing these emotions to take root has far more consequences than a sour disposition than we realise. Letting go of the negative feelings associated with hurt caused by others requires us to navigate our emotions and find a place of neutrality. When this is done, only then are we allowed to release the hurt caused by others and move forward from the experience. But arriving at a place of impartiality can be challenging, as there is an enormous physical burden associated with being hurt and disappointed, according to Dr Karen Swartz, director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital.
In many ways, according to research by psychologists A H Harris and C E Thorensen, the complex, delayed, negative emotions caused by our unwillingness to forgive can create a stress reaction and sustain delayed negative emotions such as resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger, and fear toward a transgressor.
One writer found that the negative emotions associated with failing to forgive can result in the practice of engaging in ruminative thoughts of anger, vengeance, hate, and resentment. Negative emotions tend to have unproductive outcomes and usually impact our mental and physical health.
Studies found that people who find it challenging to forgive suffer from increased anxiety, depression, elevated blood pressure, vascular resistance, and decreased immune response. Unforgiveness is not just the absence of forgiving but a complex combination of delayed negative emotions. Because unforgiveness is considered a stress response, it bears consequences to one’s health.
When we are plagued by an unwillingness to forgive, we are often stuck ruminating over the source of the discord. When we ruminate, science has shown that we use a negative lens to rework the situation, whether it be an argument or an unfair thing done to us. Essentially we dig up negative thoughts, link them to the event in question and create a line of negative thinking. In turn, we develop negative thought patterns and attitudes about situations which impact our relationships and outlook on life.
Rumination interferes with our ability to self-reflect, making us unable to focus on our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. In fact, according to the response style theory, rumination promotes and worsens depression by supporting negative thinking, impairing problem-solving, and interfering with appropriate behaviour, leading to an erosion of social support. The more negative experiences we struggle to put behind us through forgiveness, the more overwhelmed we become by rumination and the less likely we are to move forward positively.
Importantly, we all find ourselves in a quandary where forgiveness is due not just to an outsider but to ourselves. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to practice self-forgiveness but instead use our lack of empathy as self-punishment. This, too, acts as a stumbling block to growth which keeps us from progressing and moving forward in life. I speak for most when I say letting go of negative feelings, whether the person deserves it or not or whether we believe we should forgive ourselves, isn’t always easy to do. But potentially, being locked in an emotional prison isn’t what life is about either.
Some believe that choosing to forgive shows empathy and compassion to the person who aggrieved you. You might think, “dem don’t deserve that,” but when you show compassion, you are freeing yourself from the hurt and pain caused, making way for healing and progress. When you recognise the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life, moving towards forgiveness becomes easier to fathom. However, it is essential to understand that forgiveness is a process. And even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven again and again to reconcile the harmful act fully.
Also, consider your actions. It is equally possible that you might find yourself in the wrong and be desirous of forgiveness. After all, no one is perfect. Wouldn’t you want understanding and empathy extended to you? The act of forgiveness isn’t a concept easily defined or understood. It is a principle we battle a hundred times over during our lifetime. Yet it is only when we understand its role in our development as individuals that we become desirous of burying the hatchet and letting bygones remain at bay.
The post The healing balm of forgiveness appeared first on Trinidad and Tobago Newsday.