من الأشهر اليوم؟

(i.m. Father Tom Lynch)
Early morning Mass in the convent,  I am assisting Father Lynch.  We are proceeding along the line at the altar rail, he dispensing the Host, while I hold the paten  under the chins of the receivers,  to catch any falling crumbs.  As we come to a neighbour of mine,  eyes closed, tongue protruding,  his exaggerated piety suddenly irks me.  Just as he is about to receive the Host,  I give him a swift chop in the throat with the paten. As he gasps and croaks,  Father Lynch shoots me a quizzical look,  I return an apologetic shrug, indicating that my hand slipped. We continue as before.
Father Lynch never mentions it,  but we both know I have transgressed once too often and this is my last day as an altar boy.
Gerry Murphy’s most recent collection is The Humours of Nothingness (Dedalus Press)