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We must be gentleNow we are gentlemen.-Yes, gentlemen must be gentle in spite of all the turmoil that surrounds them.There was a time when it was good to be a gentleman, you were looked upon with respect, revered, admired, emulated by young men, sought after by women and, as they say, certainly cut a dash in society. You dressed well, acted with civility, were bestowed with good manners and walked tall among your peers.A gentleman was defined as a chivalrous, courteous, or honourable man.... 'He behaved throughout like a perfect gentleman.' It was a polite or formal way of referring to a man.... 'Opposite her, an old gentleman sat reading.'"You sir, are a scholar and a gentleman." So much so that even a movie was titled, An officer and a gentleman. And there's even a German reggae singer who goes by the name Gentleman. Maybe he's the only one in the business who can be referred to as such.Yes, oh yes, back in the day it was de rigueur, the style, the modus operandi to be a gentleman, and many tried their best to fit that mould. After all, a gentleman exuded sophistication and class.Maybe when one thinks of a gentleman, one character comes to mind, and that's James Bond played by actor Roger Moore. He was smooth, assured, sophisticated and suave. Sean Connery was a tougher Bond, but Moore was classier, smoother. Somehow the British seemed to carry off this gentleman style very well, with ease and aplomb, and many old-time Englishmen were the epitome of what it means to be a gentleman. They even had their own linguistic style to describe someone who they thought was not acting properly... "You sir, are a bounder and a cad, you are no gentleman."I can't imagine any Jamaican cussing someone in that manner. "Man, tek you b..o c...t, r...s c...t p...y c....out a mi yard!"So that's where we'll venture today, into the world of the perfect gentleman, right after these responses to 'When women earn more'.Hi Tony,The highly educated or highly paid woman should be looking for a man of equal or higher status. Mark Anthony, a powerful Roman politician and general, I assume was referring to and glorifying Cleopatra who could be considered a woman of equal status. Then there are those men who do not have an ego issue, while some men even take on the house husband role, taking on the daily household chores and taking care of the children while the breadwinner and highly paid wife goes to her corporate job.SharonHello Tony,It's not easy being married to a woman who earns more money than I do. At first I thought that I could handle it, but after years of trying to play catch up it really got to me. To make matters worse, she kept on reminding me that she brought home more than I could ever dream of. As a result, we both live in separate worlds, even though we're under the same roof.NormanBehold the gentleman, the suave, debonair, classy, sophisticated man who always knows when to say and do the right thing. They are usually referred to as men of good stock, good breeding who come from high-class families, or men in the military.Yes, the military does have ways of building perfect gentlemen, and even now I remember a high school friend of mine who, after graduation, went away to study at the prestigious Sandhurst Military Academy in Britain. It seemed a natural fit for him, as he was highly ranked in the cadet corps at school, unlike me who didn't take it any further after basic training. But I could strip down and clean a bolt-action Lee Enfield 303 rifle and reassemble it in record time.When he returned we were all in awe at how polished a gentleman he had become, and when he visited my parents, they, too, were enamoured by his manners, courtesy, chivalry and general deportment. He was indeed an officer and a gentleman.A gentleman stands when a lady enters the room, he also gets up to shake hands, he holds the door open for others and shows respect to all.The truth is, all that gentleman stuff seems all perfect and honky dory back then, but is there a place for it in this modern-day world? Basically in this rough and tumble jungle where style, grace, and class are looked upon as relics from an era long gone, those fine attributes have no place in this era of thuggery.The tragedy, though, is that being a gentleman is often thought of as an indication of weakness. Far from it."Courtesy is as much a mark of a man as courage," said a wise man.The Japanese are traditionally a courteous people, always bowing to show respect, showing reverence to others and generally purveyors of good manners.This was honed from the ancient Samurai who were the equivalent of the modern-day gentleman. The Samurai had all the attributes and characteristics of the perfect gentleman, yet they were fierce warriors who would fight to the death. They were courteous but not weak, mannerly but not subservient.Today, being a gentleman is often viewed with scepticism, if not ridicule. I have always tried to be a gentleman, taught by my parents and reinforced by others in my family. Early on, many people viewed me as being soft, gentle, meek, until they discovered that I had many years of martial arts training.It's the warrior inside that they respected, not the gentlemanly persona, and that should not be so."Man, yu look like yu cyan mash ants, I never know say yu is a karate man."Sadly, being a gentleman nowadays does not garner much respect, and people will try to take advantage of you, deem you soft until you reveal and unleash your dark side."Bwoy, I never know say dat man could behave suh?"Superman has his alter ego - Clark Kent; and Batman his Bruce Wayne. The perfect gentleman does not reveal his strength unless necessary.It occurs frequently in relationships, where women often take advantage of gentlemen and view their kindness for weakness. There are even songs about this plus other quotes. "Baby, don't take my kindness for weakness.""The beast in me is sleeping, not dead.""Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.""Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength," said the Dalai Lama.Many women yearn for the perfect gentleman, but when he comes along, she either wants to change this perfection or takes his good character and genteel ways for granted. I have witnessed it so often, and men have also confided in me that their wives take them for granted because of their gentlemanly ways."Maybe if I got on bad and cuss every day she would respect me more," is what I have heard.Interestingly, wives have also told me that about their husbands too, "Sometimes I wish that he would just break out of that gentleman persona and rough me up." Is it true that good guys only win in the movies as the song says; is it true that nice guys finish last; is it true that women marry gentlemen but f... rogues?What is true is that women are drawn to thugs, cowboys, bad boys, men who wield nefarious power. A perfect gentleman does not display those characteristics. So even if the woman somehow hooks up with the perfect gentleman, who perhaps initially swept her off her feet with his smooth charm and silky lyrics, after a while she'll yearn for the thug, the cowboy, the gyallis. Many do not act on those desires, but they still harbour those thoughts.'A bad man takes a kiss, while a gentleman asks permission; a bad man is often absent, a gentleman is always around; a bad man apologises only if he's really wrong, but a gentleman always apologises; a bad man isn't awed by a woman's looks, a gentleman is often in awe of her looks; a bad man takes her and acts out his fantasy, but a gentleman waits on her and asks her permission.'Based on those ancient writings, it seems as if the rumours are true: there is no place for the perfect gentleman in this modern world, unless, of course, he takes the advice of former US President Theodore Roosevelt who said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick."Is there no place for the perfect gentleman anymore, has he been pushed aside by the uncultured, mannerless, unkempt, unrefined lout who has no time or space for chivalry, honour or decorum? Look around and see for yourself and tell me if there is still a time and place for the perfect gentleman.More time.seido1yard@gmail.comFootnote: It was former prime minister of Britain Margaret Thatcher who said, "If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman." Women really have been outstripping men in many quarters and excelling marvellously. Just look at tertiary institutions here and worldwide and you'll see the vast disparity between female and male students. This carries over into the corporate world. Now we have the first female head of our Jamaica Defence Force, Commodore Antonette Wemyss Gorman, who in January will be promoted to rear admiral. Unprecedented, not only in Jamaica but globally. I wish her all the best, for doubters will be aplenty, both from ego-driven men, and snipey women. We should all support her.