When women earn more
almost 4 years in Jamaica Observer
With a good leg,And a good foot, Uncle,And money enough in his purse,Such a man would win any woman in this world,If 'a could get her good will.- Shakespeare: Much Ado About NothingThat used to be conventional wisdom of the day, that a man of means with money in his purse or wallet, as the case may be, could get any woman. Well, to some extent that still holds true, for all that some men have to do is flash two dollars or a pretty car and the women come flocking like he's the Pied Piper.But there are some women nowadays to whom that notion simply does not apply. Sure, they have the same attraction to money as other women do, but the overarching difference is, they earn their own.These are the women who have not only entered what was once considered to be the domain of men, but have also dominated it, and as a result, earn far more than their male counterparts. With that superior earning power, many women achieve independence and, as we say in Jamaica, 'feel dem strength.'"And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back, because her passion burned brighter than her fears" - Mark Anthony.That's right, women who earn a lot of money and, moreso, women who earn more than their men, do experience a different reality than what other women feel. We'll find out what these are, right after we see what these readers had to say regarding my take on 'Normalising the normal'. Hi Tony,It appears that the newer normal will be 'passports' issued by the Government to fully vaccinated people, which will allow them to travel on aeroplanes, enter restaurants, cinemas, workplaces, retail shops, and other public locations. No passport, no entry. Many restaurants and retail stores are already demanding proof of vaccination from their customers, and employees who refuse to be vaccinated without a medical reason are not allowed back to work. I have no problem with that, you are free not to be vaccinated and free not to wear a mask travelling, but you will not be allowed to enter many public places.BertMarkham, Ontario, CanadaHi Tony,Adapt or die, that is the maxim of animals in the wild, and this is also true of the history of mankind. The world has always been a place of change, and humans have always had the resilience and fortitude to adjust with the changing times. This is not the first normal to be thrust upon us, and neither will it be the last. We'll just have to assume a different normalisation.SandraMany men shy away from women who are taller, stronger, brighter, and more educated than they are, and definitely women who earn more money than them. A major part of this rationale is because men have fragile egos. Well, not necessarily fragile, but egos, and a man's ego is a driving force in his life.So a woman who appears to be superior in any of those aspects that I named will certainly pose a threat to the man's ego - real or imagined - and intimidate him. Sometimes with good reason, for many women do not handle power well, especially if it's new-found, and will dash this superior attitude in the man's face every chance that she gets.At times the man will spot this from a distance and avoid these women like lepers."From I hear say she have PhD, is gone me gone, I don't even have two CXC.""Man, she too tall for me, we couldn't even dance a slow dance.""She have too much money, mi can't manage that."So, for all those reasons and others, men avoid those women like they are pariahs, resulting in many ladies of that ilk having no romantic relationships in their lives."I have achieved all this, but have no man."What happens when the man meets the woman and they're both on equal footing but somehow, along the way, she climbs the educational or financial ladder, leaving him holding the bottom rungs, counting his pennies, while she tabulates her stocks and bonds?Problems can arise there, for whereas he used to be the one calling the shots, paying the bills, handling the financial matters, struggling to balance the budget, she now has her own money, lots of it, and doesn't have to depend on him anymore."Frankly, with the money that I earn, I don't really need your pittance."Money means independence, and many men do not like it when their women are too independent. They don't feel needed anymore and can't hold any financial big stick over her head."Why so glum bredrin?""Man, mi wife get promotion and redundant mi."This can have pros and cons, good and bad, highs and lows, for even though it's good for a woman to have her independence, some wield it like the hammer of Thor, and use it to batter the man down, subjugate him, belittle him."I can buy and sell you any day of the week."Very few men can deal with that level of humiliation."I truly believe that women should be financially independent from their men, and let's face it, money gives men the power to run the show, it gives men the power to define value, they define what's sexy, and men define what's feminine...it's ridiculous," so said American singer Beyonce.Now, remember that I said that there were pros and cons when women earned more than men, and one con is when they lose respect for the man because they think that they've now arrived - no longer the puppet, but the puppeteer. This lack of respect for the man can manifest itself in various ways, one of which is her departure.Even now I remember the experience of a good friend of mine who told me that one day he saw a brand new shiny black BMW parked in his driveway. He thought that, perhaps, it was a visitor but lo and behold, he discovered that it was his wife's new car that she had just picked up from the dealer."It's not that I mind her buying it, for it's her money, but she didn't even have the courtesy to tell me."Buying a car and buying a house are perhaps the biggest investments that a couple can make, so when one goes ahead and conducts such a huge transaction, a loud and clear message is sent: "Look at what I did, and I didn't need your approval or help either."Needless to say, that marriage mash up shortly after. Maybe it mash up from long time, had underlying conditions, and the new-found money by the woman just provided her with the catalyst and impetus to assert herself.Speaking of houses, it's never wise for a man to move into a woman's house either, unless he has a place of his own where he can seek refuge if worse come to worse. It's bad enough moving into her house, but when she also earns more than he does, he'll be made to feel as if he's a poor country cousin who's barely cotching in her place.Even if she says, "Don't worry, my house is your house, it's our house," or even if she doesn't say anything at all, it's her house, she earns more than him, and she can do anything that she pleases.More than once I have seen men seek temporary dwelling because they went home and saw that the wives decided to remodel the house without their knowledge."I just went home one day and saw construction workers all over the place and big truck park outside.""It's her money, her house, she can do what she wants with it."Sometimes men go through a rough financial period, even as the wives go through a purple patch as far as money inflows go. Some wives are sympathetic, reasonable, compassionate, accommodating, but some can be brutal."I don't see you pulling your weight around here, it's all on me."I'll always remember this woman who left her former bank manager husband because the bank folded and he resorted to supplying fish. Her parting response was, "I married a bank manager, I didn't marry a fishmonger." That was an abject lesson for me as a young man.Yes, some wives who earn more than their men can be brutal, and will dash their superior earnings in the man's faces. Mark you, there are some men who don't seem to mind living in the financial shadow of their women. But the average man, with more than a modicum of self-respect, certainly does not relish that reality.Some lash out by being abusive or by getting involved with women of a lower financial station, just to bolster their self-worth. After all, a young girl who just entered university or started her first job surely isn't a woman who earns more than him. And that's his comfort zone.More time.seido1yard@gmail.com Footnote: What this pandemic has done is to bring into harsh reality what our priorities are. Many women have lost the financial support of men who now have diminished earning power or time and can no longer spend lavishly on them. These women now have to fend for themselves and, as we say, "Tun yu han mek fashion." Family comes first, and these cowboy men have to tether their steeds to the home hitching post and provide for their families. Others still live in denial and act as if it's business as usual, but humility is but a diagnosis away.Please stick to the protocols, be sensible, and get vaccinated. You can see for yourself the high rate of hospitalisation among the unvaccinated.