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When I said I would die a bachelor,
I did not think I could live
Till I were married.
- Shakespeare
There are certain men who enjoy being alone, they love to be able to push their key into their own door, walk around in their own space, dash their clothes on the floor and do exactly what they want to do, when they want and where they want. They answer to nobody and take orders from nobody and are captains of their ship, masters of their domain.
They are in the world of man alone, and they would have it no other way. This was brought very strongly to me when I recently spoke to a bredrin of mine who seemed to be always alone. I never ever saw him in the company of a woman in all the years that I knew him and I learnt that his brother is of the same ilk.
So naturally, with my enquiring mind, I said to him, "I see that you're always alone again...naturally," as I used the words from the once popular song by Gilbert O'sullivan, Alone Again.
He sighed and said, "That's exactly the way I like it, as I can't take any misery in my ears," referring of course to the nagging and cackling of the females who inhabit his space. I reminded him of the quote from the Bible that stated that man should not live alone.
He then shrugged and mumbled something about him being too facety and confrontational and can't take backchat to live with anyone, or something to that effect. Are there pros and cons, positives and negatives, rewards or pitfalls to being a man alone? We'll find out, right after we see what these readers had to say about 'Lyrics, liquor, ludes, loving and lies'.
Hi Tony,
In today's society, permission is required for seduction of any kind. Merely trying to kiss a woman could get you a sexual misconduct charge with possible arrest and criminal trial ending in jail time. As for women who meet celebrities in their hotel room at midnight, some, if not all, have ulterior motives. They may be seeking a sugar daddy or a man to extort. The public figures who are either married or in a relationship are targeted for blackmail, and if they don't get their way, they cry rape. One would think that by now the men would wise up to these women, but the penis rules.
David
Teerob,
I have been a victim of all that you've said. All I wanted was to be loved by a young woman, but she had other things on her mind. When I didn't give her what she wanted, she cried rape. Fortunately the charge didn't stick, but my reputation got a beating. I certainly paid the price for being stupid.
Norman
There are so many single men around who seem to be enjoying their status.
"How come you so happy all the time?"
"That's because I'm a man alone."
Somehow the thought of a man alone is not anathema, nor viewed in the same vein as a woman being alone. In fact, a woman alone is often looked upon with pity, sympathy, sadness and even disdain.
"Poor thing, she can't find a man, something must be wrong with her."
A man alone, though, is often envied, and even the word 'bachelor' is spoken of with pride, as opposed to the word 'spinster', which is spoken in hushed tones of derision.
"She has nobody, she's a spinster, may God have pity on her."
But the man alone, ahh, he is lauded for his lifestyle.
"Yeah man, a de real cowboy dat, have gyal all over the place and no nagging in him ears."
Why is this so though? Well, it seems as if the reasons lie in the fear of men losing their freedom, real or imagined, a fact that was brought to my attention by a four-point list that a lady sent me.
The first point said: 'If you want to change the world, do it when you're a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel.' He who controls the remote controls the house, it has been said. That's why some men echoed the words of the late American actor and gun activist Charlton Heston: "You will have to pry this remote from my cold dead hands." Of course, they changed the word gun to remote. I have heard some married men complain about the fact that their wives tend to dominate their lives and they have no choice in any matter.
The second point was: 'Listening to to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of websites. You understand nothing, but still you sign it.' Hey, we've all seen those terms on our smartphones and without taking the time to read all the fineprint, you just go ahead and click 'agree' in order to open the site and move on.
The third point states: 'Chess is the only game in the world that reflects the status of the husband. The poor king can take only one step at a time, while the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.' Checkmate. I wonder if the erudite barrister and eminent chess master Ian Wilkinson, QC can shed more light on this?
Remember, this list was sent to me by a woman, so I'm not making it up. The fact is, women seem to do exactly as they please, and even if they ask the man his opinion, it means nothing as her mind is already made up.
"Which do you prefer, the blue or the yellow?"
"The yellow, dear."
"So what's wrong with the blue? I like the blue."
Moving on to the fourth and final point: 'Most men are brave, horror movies and even gunshot don't scare them, but five missed calls from the wife certainly does.' I tell you, let your wife try to call you a few times and you don't answer and see what happens.
"I've been trying to reach you all morning, where have you been?" You had better have a good excuse or your corner will be dark. Is that why so many men would rather be alone, even though female companionship can be so gratifying? "Sure, having a woman around is great, until she opens her mouth," is what I've heard some men say. That's why it's been said that men pay prostitutes not for sex, but to leave after sex.
Speaking of sex, one selling point for being a man alone is the availability of numerous sexual partners. That's one thing married men can't compete with. The irony though, is that many men alone, including the one who I told you I spoke to, are truly alone with no female in sight. Go figure.
It was Helen Rowland who said, "A bachelor of arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor." Ah bwoy, and it's a woman who said that too. Still, it was Francis Bacon who said, "A bachelor's life is a fine breakfast, a flat lunch, and a miserable dinner." So apparently, it seems as if a man alone isn't always a bed of roses.
Sometimes running up and down and bedding lots of women can have its downside. Maybe when you're young and playing the field, sowing your wild oats, it's great, for variety is truly the spice of life. But after a while that spice can get too hot and cloying.
Plus, and this is a very big plus too, it can be very expensive to be catering to all these different women, especially in these times of high gas prices and food bills. That's why one friend of mine told me, "T, I can't afford those women anymore, so I'm a man alone now."
Then there's the aspect of health as one grows older, and with no one around to even rub your head or bring you a cup of soup to ease your belly ache, a man alone can suffer in silence. That's why some men alone have support groups, leave their keys with a neighbour or even ask someone to call them every day to check on them.
"Listen, I'm a man alone, so make sure that you call me every day to see that I'm okay."
Some men alone compensate for their status by filling the void in their lives by joining service clubs in the same way that lonely women join church. They get involved in Rotary Club, Kiwanis, soroptimist, even lodge, just to be around people. But they still end up going home alone.
Being a man alone can have its perks, but after a while, maybe you should heed the words of the Bible: 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make for him a suitable helper.' - Genesis 1, 18.
Suitable helper? I won't even go there.
More time.
seido1yard@gmail.com
Footnote: Sports is such an integral part of our upbringing, culture and life. It teaches discipline, competition, perseverance, how to accept success and defeat. Martial arts especially has a strong emphasis on discipline, and is integral for the development of youngsters. Martial arts builds character. On behalf of the martial arts community, I wish to thank two organisations that have contributed so much to the development of martial arts in Jamaica - Sports Development Foundation (SDF) and the Jamaica Olympic Association (JOA). Without the assistance of those two entities martial arts would not have achieved the success that it has reached today. Over the years, these include Olympic qualifications for Taekwondo, Pan-American Games for karate and currently judo for this Olympics. Thank you.