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A visibly relieved Lake Michigan responded enthusiastically to Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s announcement that, due to the ongoing coronavirus outbreak, the city’s lakefront will remain closed for the foreseeable future. “Oh, thank God, I don’t want this vacation to end,” the Great Lake said Wednesday, gleefully stretching part of itself gently onto the sandy shore. “I just wasn’t ready to have a bunch of bipedal meat sacks dragging their feet along my shallow bits and throwing rocks into me. And the staring. Ugh. It’s like, ‘Take a picture, it’ll last longer!’ I get it, I’m beautiful, but c’mon. Privacy!”